Just Flow With It
I know this sounds super trendy. In reality, it IS reality. Well, it only IS if you want to be happy. In January, I decided to do just that - flow with it.
Let me give you a little backstory. I took a job of security that I enjoyed and was good at, but I wouldn’t have called me “happy.” In this job and lifestyle, I was very plan-oriented. I had a plan A, B, and C. I did what I needed to during the day and let loose at night - drinking heavily was a familiar part of every chapter in my story. But, I always got up to do my work and stick to the plan.
Plans created structure, but they also left a lot of room for worry in my life. I held myself back from a lot of what felt good and lived in the name of survival - family with a sprinkle of friendships kept me sane - well, some of them. Once in a while I made time for romance. Either way, all of these had a compartment in my life that was surrounded by rules that I made up. IT SUCKED.
Fast forward to 1 year and 6 months after my life-altering injury:
My boyfriend and I bought an old RV. We decided this would be our next move. Most of our stuff in storage and decided on a state as a destination, but a tour of the western most part of the US to start our freedom.
We hopped in our new old RV and have decided to find out new home. We have an idea where we want to be, but we are letting our experiences take the wheel. So, people ask us if our RV, Pat, is our home away from home. Our answer is “Pat is our home.”
Now that it’s February, I’m so glad we did it. Don’t get me wrong, it ain’t all rainbows and unicorn poop. This journey has definitely got challenges, especially being that it’s a 1986 Ford Motorhome towing our little Yaris, Pedro. But, at the end of the day, when I lay my head to sleep, I’m so thankful that I’m doing this.
This journey has definitely got challenges...
I have been told all my life that I should plan for security. I should focus on keeping a job for as long as possible and collect retirement to plan for the future. And that is sound advice for some, but it definitely doesn’t work for me.
So, I’m writing from Arizona, our second state since leaving California. Never did I think I would visit here, except that I am a Crystal and Gem fiend. And, this time of year is the BIGGEST and most diverse crystal expo on this side of the world in Tucson.
I always said I wanted more time for family. And, no matter what was happening in my life, I did my best to hold that true with my traveling spirit (I would even drive down from S.F. to L.A. AT LEAST every other month while in college).
Though my partner and I left our immediate families back in Cali, this Freedom Tour is allowing us to spend time with our extended families. It has been nothing short of fun-filled times. So many laughs have been shared. Yes, we miss our parents and siblings, but this is definitely a move we needed.
I’ve been “attempting” to move to another state for 10 years. Yes, A DECADE. So many factors have held me back - guilt and fear. Those have been some true stinky assholes in my life. Guilt and fear have kept me from so much that I’ve wanted to pursue.
Guilt and fear have kept me from so much that I’ve wanted to pursue.
Let me give you some background: A single woman with no kids of Latina heritage leaving her family behind is abandonment. Spreading our wings isn’t exactly encouraged. I was given responsibilities. I also took on my own. Either way, though I wanted nothing more than to travel and explore, I couldn’t bear the idea of leaving my family without me. I mean, they NEEDED me.
Now we’re into a month of my being away - they’re doing MORE than fine. Yeah, I definitely had some inner issues to work out.
Now that ugly bastard, fear. Well, what if I did move and - the worst thing ever - I failed. What the hell would I do with myself? What if I did get hurt while being away from my family? What if THEY got hurt while I was away? What if the Earth started to crumble? What if the Zombie Apocolypse started? What if, what if, what if… Yes, I was living the life of “what ifs.” As the Submarines would say, “Something’s wrong when you regret things that haven’t happened yet.” I kept myself up for hours with worries like these. Insomnia was a close friend of mine.
So, after much inner-healing, work on myself, and some straight-up cutting o’ the bullshit, I decided fear would not rule my world. I did this with an some spiritual guidance: Energy Healer and Life Coach, a Shaman, a Master Healer, and most importantly, MY fortitude. I did it with small bits of my life at a time. Yep, I did it. Just under two years later, AND LOOK AT ME NOW. Just kidding. I’m definitely not the poster child for fearless, YET. I’m still working on it.
I did it with small bits of my life at a time.
Hour after hour, we make plans that change. Nothing has felt more satisfying. We definitely have skeleton plans, but the meat of our experiences really do just depend on how we flow. I...am a flow-er. Thanks to healing, thanks to keeping it real, thanks to beating guilt, thanks to putting fear on much needed time-out (soon it won’t be an issue at all - I really think this flowing Freedom Tour will help that).
I can genuinely say that I can’t remember ever being happier.
So, take those serendipitous changes, the opportunities, the "coincidences" that seem to call you in and FLOW with them. Cut ties with what's not serving you: old stories, others' opinions, unhealthy cycles.
This isn't a tale of run off to find yourself. Running away from a situation isn't always the answer, especially if the intent is escapism. Facing your heaviness and going within to Lighten up is key. For me, within was without - without what I was so familiar with, anchors, and understandings of an existence that stunted my growth. Now is my time to soil my own rediscovered roots and flourish.